by Dr. Phil

“And baby, let’s make promises that we can keep and call it a New Year’s resolution” Otis Redding The Otis Redding Story Album

Every December, especially after a quick glance in the mirror, I decide once again to be a new person, one that eats only healthful meals, skips between-meal snacks, exercises regularly and sleeps a full, peaceful night. Of course, most of these wishes are never fulfilled, but it got me thinking about what sort of New Year’s resolutions my dog Charlotte might make. So I sat down with her the other night on her mat, and she passed along some resolutions that will help her stay healthy and active and live a long life.

Resolution #1: I will not sit next to the dinner table and look at you with sad, hungry eyes. I will save my persuasive powers for meaningful activities like a walk around the block or rushing outside to chase the neighborhood cat.

Resolution #2: I will introduce myself more lady-like. Although I’m sure visitors are coming to see only me, it is sometimes awkward when my toenails draw blood or my nose nudges private spaces.

Resolution #3: I will bark less at the FedEx and UPS trucks, especially since they sometimes bring me treats or toys that magically arrive from the Internet galaxy. Also, I will no longer lecture the golfer whose ball has sliced its way into my yard.

Resolution #4: I will travel a little more like a dog interested in the world outside rather than trying to shove my quivering nose as deep into the back seat as possible. Of course, I will always wear my seatbelt on every road trip.

Resolution #5: I will finish every meal because my owners know the importance of healthful natural foods and tasty organic treats. I will even eat those crunchy supplements because I know they will add zing to my step and softness to my coat.

Resolution #6: I will always be pleasant to the veterinarian who gives me my annual checkup, although maybe a just little resentful when he draws blood for heartworm or vaccinates me against some of the common diseases that I certainly don’t want to catch.

Resolution #7: I will properly wear my identification tags and not try to bury them under my mat. If I could speak, I would remind my owners to make sure all the necessary contact information is up-to-date.

Resolution #8: I will accept that it is time to discard some of my favorite, albeit old and well chewed toys. Of course, this will only happen if I get some new replacements (and maybe even a few extra ones.)

Resolution #9: I will enjoy a good “get-dirt-and-tangles-out-of-my-coat” bath and not climb the walls of the shower stall or attack the water. I hate to admit this, but I actually feel better after a nice washing, although I wish I didn’t smell quite so foofy.

Resolution #10: I will get off the couch and be a little more active, knowing that it may even help my owner achieve one of his goals (not the sleeping more one.)

Resolution #11: I will brush my teeth daily because I don’t want to have anesthesia to remove tartar when I’m older, and most humans don’t appreciate “dog breath”. 

Resolution #12: To have a HAPPY NEW YEAR.

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